KID MEETS WORLD.

2011-12-29T22:33:00.002+02:00

She didn't want to cry. Because tears were a sign of weakness, but crying for no reason at all was simply foolish. The stabbing, aching presence in her chest wasn't real. It's not real. It's not real. Repeat it till all other sounds fade, till you're reassured that that pain was from you imagination. Don't believe what anybody tells you. Just let me spread, until all your fury and hatred for me is boiling over the edge, explodes, splattering on surfaces and breaking things that are not meant to be broken. Break. Break. Break. He whispers, within the darkness, surrounding her subconscious until everything bright and beautiful becomes tarnished with green eyes and red blood.

I can't - I can't do this anymore... She didn't even have the strength to say that out loud in an empty room, with only herself to blame.

2011-12-08T00:34:00.001+02:00

You've forgotten the brittle leaves and the rose sky and the shine in my smile and heart and strength. Your window-like eyes glanced over my chapped lips with raised brows and a ghost of a thought. Your silent screams didn't shake me like they did when I thought kindness was real. The melody of your whispered heartbeats didn't loosen my grip around your airways when you laid by your grave. Your skin told a story of men in black and the sun as a red explosion in the middle of the opaque sky.

Your blood makes it so much easier. Broken blue clashed with fiery brown before sparks of silver and white took our visions away with life and a hurricane of decisions and shattered tea cups, with love and happiness ingrained at the very edge of the bottom.

2011-09-19T18:28:00.003+02:00

It's hard trying to smile when all I want to do is rip and crack and run.

2011-09-12T21:11:00.000+02:00

I've been going through an emotional phase these couple of weeks. I've just become so... down. And the things that were bright and fun and happy aren't those things anymore. I would like to think that this is only a phase and I hope it doesn't progress any worse that it has now. I wish it was easy to explain, why I feel like - like I'm not really meant to be here and why I actually feel like I'm living a lie. I wish the answers were in black and white, I'd rather not deal with the time wasted on trying to find the answers that are probably so simple yet so difficult for me to see.

I hope that explains some of the shit that's going on inside of my brain. x

2011-09-12T20:52:00.002+02:00

"I turn, and (stooping through the morning) kiss this pillow, dear where our heads lived and were."

2011-09-10T21:18:00.000+02:00

I'm scared that you're going to stop loving me because I'm turning into this person I don't want to become.

Finally.

2011-09-06T23:05:00.001+02:00

I'm going to start writing again, I'm so excited - gah! I will make this happen.

Why aren't you interested in love?

2011-09-04T14:18:00.000+02:00

It hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can't breath. You can't think. Least, not about anything but the pain.

2011-09-04T01:08:00.001+02:00

I wish I could just disappear. I'm not important, to anyone.

Can you make things easy? Or do I have to feel pain for you to notice the darkness behind my eyelids?

2011-09-04T00:37:00.001+02:00

2011-09-03T11:53:00.003+02:00

Living life with smiles and closed eyes.

Eid Me.

2011-09-02T22:14:00.002+02:00

I look like a girl~ I was forced to pose...so....ahem.

2011-08-25T20:28:00.001+02:00

Oh, look at that. I did it. I'm sorry I'm such a lazy person. Will post soon <333

Happy Ramadan everyone.

2011-08-03T07:06:00.002+02:00

I want you to love me like you love her.

2011-08-01T21:30:00.000+02:00

Don't stop doing what makes you happy, your scars shine brighter than the stars in your eyes. Lies take from you when you have nothing to give, smile a little this month. Please.

Tired.

2011-07-21T06:46:00.001+02:00

Don't worry, I'm not dead. Just have a fever, and I've been passed out in bed from the overload of meds. I'll put something exciting in a few days. Oh, and one more thing......I STILL CANNOT SEND ASKS ON TUMBLR, WHAT THE HELL BRO.

xx.

2011-07-14T03:20:00.003+02:00

I feel...it's better to be dead.

WHAT THE HELL.

2011-07-09T23:54:00.000+02:00

I haven't been gone that long and blogger changed so much. Srsly. WHAT THE HELL. Dashboard, stop hiding.

2011-07-09T23:49:00.001+02:00

How are you?

I'm fine.

How do I break that habit? No one will know how I really feel and I'm so tired of all the lies.

Zombie shooting and a nice surprise.

2011-07-03T23:22:00.000+02:00

Last night was the best night out of the whole week. It was so fun. I got to shoot some zombies, play some foosball and I won something out of sheer luck (I don't know where it came from but it just made my night - oh, and sorry for the bad quality)

I WON THAT. ME.

Me trying a second time. It didn't work out.

That's my friend on the right. <3

I look sexy with a gun ;) Pft, as if.

2011-07-03T22:35:00.002+02:00

Don't you know the world shines every time you smile?

I need to do thissssss.

2011-07-02T19:34:00.000+02:00

I want to hand write a letter to someone overseas. The last time I wrote a letter was in 2002 on Valentines day at school, but we sent them to houses in the area. Arg. Make this come true. :3

I will beat you.

2011-07-02T18:07:00.000+02:00

Tonight I'm going to shoot zombies and laugh manically while I do it. I do sound like a crazy person.../puts on sunglasses and nods like a boss/ that's how I roll.

:3

PS (I don't know where that video went to but I am going to post a video of us, my friend and I, shooting us some zombies. Heh.)

2011-07-01T00:27:00.002+02:00

I don't want to be scared of the monsters anymore.

2011-07-01T00:21:00.000+02:00

I wish the feeling in my chest will go away. The feeling like you're about to cry but you're keeping it in as long as you can. It's a constant reminder of my imaginary fears. The inner workings of the mind keep me down, tied to the dark dark night because there is no air for light and monsters seem to steal everything bright. Sometimes everything doesn't seem worth it when I'm cringing at the slightest sound or when I'm sitting in the silence of the car. It doesn't seem worth it.

Nickname I have come to live with.

2011-06-28T13:41:00.000+02:00

I just realized today that everyone keeps on calling me 'Sonya' and they spell it sometimes like 'Sanja' in text messages :|

....They say it when they want something. How - this won't get you anything. I just get annoyed and...oh.

Anyway. People, my name has no S or O or Y or J.

My name is Thania, just by the way. Do you see it!

Question.

2011-06-27T23:22:00.001+02:00

(If you don't have a MacBook or if you don't know how to work iMovie you may skip this post)

It's late and I know all of you thought this was my last post of the day. I'm just lonely.

Anyway, today was the first time I worked with iMovie on my Mac and I was having so much fun. I got all excited and....let me leave it at that. So when I was done editing the video, I logged onto youtube and tried uploading it but it just couldn't process it. I edited a video for the first time. I edited it. Seriously man. I was so mad. You should have seen me, throwing things down, my skin was turning green and I was growing....Damn.

The point of this post is: Does anyone know how I can upload a project from iMovie onto youtube? I'm just too lazy to search it on the web.

Hope you guys have a lovely evening.

Kid meets world header image.

2011-06-27T18:24:00.001+02:00

Check out those mad skills. Yeah, I did that. Pffft~ Hope everyone has a lovely day.

2011-06-27T18:03:00.000+02:00

Why does two days feel so long? Or was it 3? Come back already! I want to hug you and kiss you and tell you warm fluffy things and you can laugh at my silliness..(that's so not happening even if you wished on a shooting star :c)

2011-06-27T13:51:00.002+02:00

Your words are fighting a losing battle. Don't even talk about your thoughts, they've lost a long time ago.

God, you just have no friends.

2011-06-26T23:48:00.000+02:00

Another thing before this day ends. I'm really sorry if I'm acting weirdly in the last few posts - it's just because this side of me has never...come out. I don't know how to explain it - I've always posted...depressing stuff (my stories/poems suck so bad that it makes me want to shoot myself in the foot) and the happy fun stuff was invisible :|

Anyway, goodnight. Don't party too hard baby.

2011-06-26T20:37:00.001+02:00

Regrets are a waste of time. They're there only to cripple you in the future.

"I always thought I was a computer whiz."

2011-06-26T16:25:00.000+02:00

I really thought I was. I was better than all the other kids in primary school (I brag about some things because I didn't have stuff to brag about it then... I'm such a loser). I knew all the tricks and short cuts and every tiny cranny. I thought I was a beast. SO COOL. But nowadays I'm always on the web. And I realized that the web is a different place. I need help with it a lot and that makes me sad.

That's all.

Out and about.

2011-06-26T14:17:00.002+02:00

Yesterday was the sweetest day of the whole week. I went out with my girlfriend - yeah, not like that. She's my bestie. Not my girlfriend. yeah....- to the mall (Waterfront, close to the seaside) and it was so much fun. I was hoping we could've watched a movie but we didn't have enough time because someone was hogging my friend..(Brick, leave her alone. Sheesh) So we didn't. But she showed me this new gaming shop...

It was like heaven. My eyes were glued to each game. Gawd. Best moment ever. OH. There was a Tomb Raider model figure there. Human sized. I can't believe I didn't take a picture. But I did take a picture of this: Heh.

For all of you guys out there, I am a gamer.

That's all. Hope you have a lovely Sunday.

PS: I have been thinking about making the video's. I haven't gotten any responses..(I knew it all along) but I still think it'll be fun. Also, I have realized the things I have posted on here are stories/poems etc, and making videos will be about..life and me (ewwwwwww). I think I've chased you away...I'll leave now.

2011-06-25T22:12:00.003+02:00

Something new? Yeah, that's what she said.

2011-06-25T22:10:00.001+02:00

:|

Please, ignore me. I'm going through a phase.

Anyway, I realized that I had this blog for a while - for a long time (can you call more/less 3 years a long time?) And I wanted to do something new. Do you think making videos would be fun? It was a thought and well - it's here. I don't know if there are people actually reading this lame ass blog of mine but it would really be cool to know that there are people...out there willingly reading this...blog. (Look at your followers beech.) Yeah sorry, I'm not looking for comments (I actually am :| You write me a damn comment you!).

Yeah...

So...videos? Yes/no (your face is too ugly, go drown)?

I hurt my own feelings all the time. xD

"Just So Random!" Jeez get a life.

2011-06-25T03:35:00.000+02:00

Nothing important, just wanted to ask if I'm stupid for making another twitter account? Silly? That's what I think. Foolish/annoying/idiotic? You know what happened last time.r

2011-06-23T22:16:00.001+02:00

Him: "That's like hitting a guy in slow motion!"
Me: "...No it's actually not."

Tomorrow will be my first lesson of Tai Chi. I am excited. I hope I enjoy it, and that it helps.

Everything has been going slow for the past couple weeks - well, it felt like that. I visited the school counselor ( I had to ) but it was...okay. I realized things about myself I didn't know and it was difficult for me to grasp it and accept it. I didn't spend a lot of time with the counselor, I didn't cry hellyeah and she kept on telling me that she wanted to see me the next day but she never did. Pft~ I don't need her - thanks anyway.

There's not much to say, I am recovering *thumbs up* and I am trying to keep positive. I have a lot of support which I'm so grateful for. But...yeah. I guess that's about it. I might be writing more short stories, poems - ya know? And pictures, loads of pictures are going to be posted soon. I might even do a video - we can always dream right?

Well, it's past 10 at night and it's freezing. Goodnight awesome peoples who read my blog.

Ninja hair.

2011-06-20T22:43:00.000+02:00

Don't even ask.

2011-06-20T22:24:00.000+02:00

"Im glad you don't judge me for the painfully embarrassing stories I tell you/... because pointless stories are my thing."

2011-06-18T21:30:00.002+02:00

My thoughts have no direction. Thinking of writing more :D

2011-06-18T21:19:00.001+02:00

Her breath came out in harsh pants, running down an endless street, from dream to reality at a pace that made the street lights blur. Choking on something logical, stepping on something unreal, her hair blurred her gaze as the wind whipped around her.

"Hinata."

Her name falls from his pink-rough-dry-warm-lips and her feet freeze on their own accord, her mind chained to something unseeing and wonderful and so full of life. Her always tearful eyes hardened as she felt something pulling her gut, pulling her very being, towards something bright and shiny. She tilts her head, gazing at her side from the corner of her eyes, towards him. Knowing if she met his sapphire stare head on she would surely melt, the blue fire in his eyes would burn and brand her as his forever and she'd go willingly.

"Leave," her voice is as soft as a whisper but loud in the in-between, "leave before you break any more rules."

She hated losing. All her life she took every punch and cut - she's losing too much blood! - for him. She - father - has made these rules to live by. Now - now everything was changing, falling apart. I wonder if this is what losing feels like. Every layer of leave me alone's and I don't need you's shatter unwillingly because of his stupid stupid grin. No one is supposed to be able to smile like that. No one's supposed to have so much power.

They were different.

She felt as though his fingers had trailed up her arms and pulled her (pulling pulling until there's nothing left) and she sighed in slight annoyance as her body turned towards this man.

He is strong (god - you're filling all the spaces it's suffocating - I love it) and the heat that his body naturally exudes is so alluring - you have to stop now. His sea blue-all knowing-beautiful-everything-I-need eyes captured her gaze and held on.

I'm so tired.

"I don't want you to leave - I don't care that we're different. I don't care." There he does it again. His eyes - always his eyes - brightens as he pulls her.

"You know - you know I'll fade away eventually."

He grins, but there's now a bitter note to it. "Yeah, I kind of expected you to say that. But I want you. Be my now - my forever."

She can feel it, his emotions always loud and clear. She knew, she was already his before everything started. He knows it.

"I can't...promise you anything."

He shrugs, opening his arms. "I just want you here, in my arms."

She doesn't resist the tugging then. She falls - always hard - into him. Her fingers, her skin warms up as more of her soul pours into him. I am pathetic. He is not mine, she tells her chest over and over.

Her chest does not agree, she wants to keep him forever. And there is no changing that. She's going to burst with all of his light and give him all the broken pieces of her past and future, give him her weak heart and scream. The stars will scream back and her eyes will adjust to the light.

It'll be beautiful. Everything will shine.

2011-06-14T23:04:00.000+02:00

"I never thought I was smart enough to get depressed, but here I am."

2011-06-14T20:17:00.003+02:00

I'm seriously needy right now. It's embarrassing.

2011-06-14T20:16:00.002+02:00

"You'll be crying out in pain. Begging me to play my games."

2011-06-13T22:06:00.000+02:00

All I want is to forget about the sun and moon, the broken wings on my back and thorns piercing my skin. To the eternal darkness, the dotted lights in the sky. Goodnight, loves.

Day One + Day Two: Acknowledging. Recovering.

2011-06-13T21:26:00.004+02:00

DAY ONE.

Don't forget how to breathe. Even if it's only for a while.

If you don't remember my last post...here...(about the passport, getting a panic/anxiety attack. Remember? remember now? Pfff - scroll down then.) I do feel very...embarrassed and ashamed for - for this and I know I shouldn't. But I do.

Since then I couldn't sleep properly, I got an overload on emotions everyday. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. I didn't tell anyone, I just went on with my life and ignored all these warnings-you-need-to-do-something going on in my head. They made me feel so scared and I felt so alone. I lost my appetite and I forgot how to be happy and I slept so much during the day. I didn't acknowledge any of it and - well - then it happened.

I started exams last week Tuesday and on the second day of exams, Thursday, I had a panic attack. The night before I stayed up till three, because I couldn't sleep yet I was tired at the same time and I only had three more hours till it was time for me to get up. I think the exhaustion increased everything that day. I arrived at school, felt as normal as could be, spoke to my friends and waited for the exam. And then as I sat down at my desk my stomach started twisting and turning and I thought my breakfast was going to make a very gross appearance. I tried reading through the exam and thinking that it'll pass. It didn't. I stayed an hour until I couldn't, until it became unbearable. I asked to leave in a very discreet way, no one thought any of it. I found my teacher and all my emotions I kept in check came out and I couldn't stop the tears.

I hate crying.

My mom fetched me and she was so understanding and nice and sweet and it made me cry all over again. We went to the doctor and the doctor recommended some people to talk to, gave me some anti-anxiety pills and I slept peace and dreamless state.

DAY TWO.

My mom and best friend are the only people that know about this. And now you, whoever you are out there. You know something that could hurt me and I hope - I hope you don't. I trust you.

I don't want to get hurt anymore.

It's going to be difficult, thinking about this and getting over it. It might not take a long time or it might take years. I know people out there have it worse, but this is my worse. I'm working with what I got and I'm giving it my all.

Despite the medication I was still as jittery as ever and yesterday, Sunday, my mom and I went to the mall and to the beach to watch the sunset. Just us, to try to calm myself before my next exam. It was nice. I took some - a lot - of pictures. I felt like a foreigner in my own town.

The V & A, Waterfront.

Say hello to Table Mountain.

TODAY.

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I stopped taking my medication because it makes me so tired that all I want to do is sleep and never wake up. Because that's when everything goes away.

I still wanted to run away, far away from the class room. But I stayed for the full two and a half hours. I finished that exam even though I was shaking on the inside. I don't know why I was but that's what I'm trying to work through.

I'm glad that it happened now than later. I hope this ends soon.

2011-06-09T21:54:00.000+02:00

I never loved my mom as much as I loved her today.

I need advice. I need you.

2011-06-04T11:51:00.002+02:00

Nadia: "I have a mad sister."
Me: "And it's not even in the cool way. How boring."

I just thought you guys wouldn't mind if I wrote my problems here because I'm to ashamed to tell people I know. I think you're real and I think you'll understand.

Yesterday while I was getting my passport, I felt really weird-unusual-I don't know and I just broke out in a cold sweat, my hands felt as cold as ice and I thought I was going to be sick. I was having trouble breathing, but I didn't make a scene. (I don't want people thinking I'm crazy).

I realized after a few hours that I had a nervous breakdown.

I've always gotten nervous over small exams-tests-crowds-cars-hurting people- things but yesterday was - there was nothing to get nervous about. I've always hated how quiet, insecure, awkward and pathetic I am.

I'm not sitting around thinking how sad this is or about myself, I'm getting up and doing things that (used to) make me happy.

2011-06-02T20:55:00.004+02:00

People like words they don't understand because they think it has something to do with their lives. Please, start living again.

2011-06-02T20:55:00.003+02:00

You are more than the moons' shine or the sunsets gaze. You believe and it's something we need to remember and forget about the dying sun.

2011-06-02T20:47:00.000+02:00

I like Thursday night prayer. I like listening to the gadat and everyone just being in the here and now. I love it.

2011-05-31T21:40:00.000+02:00

I stepped on cracks and lit cigarettes. Just to find you.

2011-05-31T17:03:00.002+02:00

Just because I'm nice to you, doesn't mean I like you. It just means I'm not rude.

2011-05-29T13:39:00.002+02:00

You dug your own grave. Now shut the hell up and get down there bitch.

2011-05-23T18:13:00.000+02:00

You might not think any of this is real. What you see, think, feel. It's all in your head. It's all written in broken words, right? That's what you say to yourself, don't you? Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe my heart couldn't keep up with my mind and then you stopped smiling and going back to reality. Yes. Reality, that's real. But I'm not. I'm broken.

2011-05-20T15:28:00.000+02:00

How do I tell you that they don't really care?
How do I make you believe?

#49FactsAboutMe. [Because I’m not that interesting]

2011-05-16T19:18:00.001+02:00

“We must not judge people by the color of their skin but by their annoying personalities.”

Hope I didn’t repeat anything~

My name is Malaysian, Danish and Arabic.
My name means thankfulness and the second. My surname is the habitational name from Lauria in Potenza. It’s Italian.
My favourite colors are green, blue, red and brown. I have no idea why brown.
I love writing, even though I’m bad at it. I love righting poems and connecting words to something real.
I like apples, malva pudding, chocolate cake and sour sweets.
I can never hate a thing/person but I dislike strawberries, beans, worms, fighting and eating (because somehow I can never stop).
My sister forever annoys me.
I’m exactly 1 meter and 58 centimeters in height.
I feel that my height puts me at a disadvantage.
I like most music, except Metal.
I started listening to Rock/Indie/Punk in the beginning of my high school years.
I’m a baggy jersey/cardigan, skinny jeans and Vans type a girl.
I was born on the 12th of January, 1994 on a Wednesday.
I think my high school is the most weirdest-awesomest place I know.
At 15 I started going through an awkward stage which really hasn’t left me.
Fatima (Fat-ma, Fatimatoes, Fatmat, Fzed) is an amazing person. She changed me and I’m so grateful to have her in my life.
I’m 17 years old. I think that’s a sexy number.
I’m scared of insects, but not in a girly fashion. I - I just don’t like them. I’m also afraid of heights, loneliness, huge monster dogs, new people and cars.
I haven’t fallen in love yet. You can add to the last fact ‘afraid of experiencing heart break’.
I like smiling. I smile too much that sometimes I look manic.
I’m a quiet, shy, insecure girl. I talk too much when I’m with my friends and too little when I’m at home.
I feel bad for everything I do. It’s a serious problem and I’m working on it.
Zodiac sign: Capricorn.
Only piercings I have are one on both ears. I want a lip ring but it’s never going to happen.
I think lip rings are sexy.
My first and only kiss was in 2007, for about 15 seconds.
Have I mentioned I’m 17? Seriously - pfffft.
I have trouble expressing myself verbally. The words - they’re all stuck in my brain and they can’t get out.
I like Naruto and Bleach. The only people know that I like anime are a few.
I love my friends and family.
I want to be happily married at this age.
I’m straight but I like gay people. YES PLEASE :D
Names people have called me in the past/present: “Thamina, Bob, John. Jiggly Puff, Tharn Yard.” (Oo)
I’m Muslim. I’m ashamed of myself for feeling shy for not telling certain people because some people - they’re not comfortable with it. I don’t know why.
I love my religion.
I want to study Architecture. Learn Photography.
I want to learn Italian, so that I can talk to my dads family that I haven’t seen in 6 years.
I don’t swear - ever.
I talk to myself a lot.
A fun night for me is a good book and a warm cup of tea.
My mom says that I’m such an oldie and that I should hang out with my own crowd. Mom, I don’t even have a crowd.
I like helping people, I like to make people happy.
My eyes and hair are dark brown and my hair reaches to the middle of my back.
I like hugs.
I say sorry for everything I do.
My phone is red. And I have a yellow and black cover. And it’s a BlackBerry.
I’m indecisive.
I like twitter.
“I automatically assume people won’t like me, so I don’t talk to them unless they approach me first. I can’t become a part of a crowd because I can’t get past that feeling that I don’t belong.”

2011-05-15T11:49:00.002+02:00

If you are trapped between your feelings and what other people think is right, always go for whatever makes you happy. Unless you want everybody to be happy, except you.

2011-05-14T12:52:00.002+02:00

Why kill yourself? Life will do that for you.

2011-05-14T12:48:00.002+02:00

I finally understood that you can still feel lonely in a crowded room.

2011-04-30T15:16:00.000+02:00

"That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning afraid that you're going to live."

RantRantRant.

2011-04-30T12:29:00.001+02:00

I wish I could have a break down every month in my house, on the couch in the lounge while the suns out and not feel embarrassed about it. I wish I could just explode, have tantrums, shout and scream, break glasses and plates, spill blood. I just want to act like a teenager and not worry what others think. I don’t want to act like nothings wrong. It’s just a phase right?

But it can’t be a phase if I never break loose.

Since I could remember: I never had a tantrum, I never broke a glass or plate on purpose. I never raised my voice to anyone. I never tried to harm myself.

Let me - god, just let me be.

2011-04-26T14:47:00.000+02:00

"Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fight with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of another’s hand is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life with another’s, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection, i.e kissing, hugging, sexing, the act of holding hands is often trivialized in its true implications. As the Beatles once said:

”All I want to do is hold your hand.”

2011-04-26T11:32:00.000+02:00

But you write such pretty words. But love is no storybook. Love is an excuse to get hurt and to hurt.

"Do you like to hurt?"

"I do. I do."

"Then hurt me."

Love Language.

2011-04-26T11:27:00.002+02:00

Movie night

2011-04-24T11:30:00.000+02:00

I watched the Zoolander last night and you know that part when Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson tries to put the computer on by hitting it and acting like apes? That’s the way my dad does it. C:

2011-04-22T23:11:00.001+02:00

I miss a lot of things. This is one of them. Don't worry love, I'm here now.

2011-04-20T15:41:00.001+02:00

When the light spreads into darkness, or when the earth crumbles beneath our beings, when nothing works and all else fails and the only person standing there is you, with your heart hanging loosely on your sleeve, standing on waves ends, ankles wrapped around waterfalls with nothing but a toothy grin and open hands and your own cup of reality, ready to pour above my head just before I get too deep, the sun would split life and death into two and I would be stuck with a name. There won’t be a You or Me. Or an Everyone In Between. And we won’t live hands-tied-to-hands-with-burnt-cigarettes together.

Because there’s only You and Me when darkness has overcome light.

Today.

2011-03-22T22:58:00.000+02:00

Today I painted bathroom walls at Marsh Memorial (social action group/charity service) and it was so bad that we have to come back and paint the floors.

Today my best friend Fzed gave me a (bracelet/band thing) for no reason and I love it and it makes me want to show everyone whom this amazing person is.

Today I watched Moulin Rouge. It brought back cold-nights-and-hot-milo-cape-town-nights memories.

2011-03-22T22:54:00.000+02:00

"We're creatures from the underworld. We can't afford to love."

2011-03-17T22:31:00.001+02:00

"I make no apologies for how i chose to repair what you broke."

Not fair.

2011-03-17T19:44:00.002+02:00

2011-03-17T19:15:00.002+02:00

I like that whenever my dad picks up the home phone when it's ringing, he scares the person on the other line. Don't ever stop being silly.

2011-03-13T15:22:00.002+02:00

"I hate when people make jokes about cutting, suicide or eating disorders because you don't know what the people around you are going through. It hurts."

Finally.

2011-03-13T15:13:00.001+02:00

So, I've always been making blogs and deleting them the next 'cause I... Just do. But a few weeks ago I made a tumblr blog:

あなた。私。との間。

And I just wanted to share it with you, because you were the first of my beginnings.

2011-03-13T14:29:00.001+02:00

I'm short. I like wearing navy blue and green and black colors. I spend all my money on books and shoes and birthday gifts. I don't start conversations because I'm scared people wouldn't want to start them with me. I'm loud with people I do know and quiet with people I don't. I'm scared of heights and abnormally large dogs. I like to smile. I act as the granny in my group of friends. I'm incredibly awkward and negative but I do believe. I laugh until my stomach hurts. I don't want to stop being me, even with all my flaws that bring me down. I don't want you give up on being me.

This is a good decision.

2011-02-28T19:22:00.001+02:00

So, I know I haven't posted up anything exciting or interesting but I'd like to recommend my sisters blogs to whomever likes... make-up *cough*. All Things Beautiful.

She put some photo's of me (before and after) looking like an old person. IT'S VERY COOL, LOOK LOOK NAOW.

YN.

Everything seems so quiet, this thing in between.

2011-02-27T15:22:00.000+02:00

2011-02-22T18:10:00.000+02:00

NEW PICTURE. Check KID MEETS CAMERA (From old to new) :D

2011-02-22T14:00:00.002+02:00

We need superheroes in the world.

My in between.

2011-02-21T17:49:00.002+02:00

You're my sugar coated smile, with ice tea in hand and the many memories in your bag. You're my I-like-the-beat-you-play-with-your-heart shadow and everything in between.

You always move forward and you dream about answers and blues and impossibilities. You shine like your own personal sun, you glow way too much at night with your burnt cigarettes and smoldering smoke. You shower everyone with exploding colors and they reach peoples (my) hearts, making you forget that you've always said no and yes and made decisions that weren't worth their my time.

You always win, but you drag me along anyway. You tell me, "Sometimes I win - I always win. And that always never changes. You - you - you're changing and there's no always. You sometimes win. But when you lose, you fight. And I want you to fight - for whatever it's worth. I want you to fight."

Behind that shaky, emotional voice - seeping out color as he always does when he speaks - he's holding me up with all the decisions and yeses and no's, holding me close as if I'm the answer. And I nod and say something that I haven't said in a long, long time. Those two simple words could make everything calmer and make you feel like you've done something - even if it's just one day. You've done something right.

"Thank you."

2011-02-21T15:59:00.003+02:00

2011-02-21T14:16:00.002+02:00

"Let’s say you were drafted to a team that wasn’t your first pick. You know, you don’t like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. The quarterback’s a pain in the ass you don’t owe a damned thing to. But, it’s your team. You don’t quit. You don’t talk to the press. You don’t bitch to the coach. You just, you just go out there every Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you, you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play, because it’s your freaking team."

I LOVE GREY'S ANATOMY.

2011-02-21T14:08:00.001+02:00

2011-02-21T13:55:00.002+02:00

I'm awkward and freaky.

2011-02-21T11:48:00.001+02:00

I WANT THE TRUTH TO BREATHE~

2011-02-21T11:38:00.000+02:00

“I don’t know, I think you’re either born simple or you’re born … me. I want to be the person who gets happy over finding the perfect dress. I want to be simple because no one holds a gun to the head of a simple girl.”

From Twitter 02-20-2011

2011-02-21T03:04:00.001+02:00

00:00
counter-sass: http://tumblr.com/xro1k810pt
"‎The waves inspire me.. Not because they raise high, but because they leap up again after falling." http://tumblr.com/xro1k81m42
Photo: http://tumblr.com/xro1k82o74
Photo: GREY’S ANATOMY. HELL YEAH!! http://tumblr.com/xro1k82yp0
Photoset: MY NINETEEN YEAR OLD SISTER ACTS LIKE AN ANNOYING 5 YEAR OLD. GO AWAY!... http://tumblr.com/xro1k8l9ua
The mascara stick flew into my eye. My hand did it 8|
At the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.
*Steps out in the sunshine - gentle smile on her face and starts walking to the training ground.*
Being Human is not...cool.
Photo: Being Human is boring. Sorry~ http://tumblr.com/xro1k9uw2h
Naked kid-Goku!
*sits under a tree, breathing slightly hard* I think I trained to hard today~ Phew!
Ah. Hello there, you people~ C:
I haven't put eyeliner or makeup on in FOREVER and everyone was saying nice things~ #IfeltPretty.
HELLO KABUTO~ HOW ARE YOU? :D
@shika_Temaa Hello Temari-chan. How are you?
*smiles sheepishly* Sorry, Dei Dei rubs it off on me. I'm fine, thank you Kabs~ ^^
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup." Jacob: "what are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
RT @_Tayuya_: Lolscenekidsandhipsters
I don't like violence. Don't make me repeat myself. #CrazyInnerHinata.
I LOVE YOU KABUTO~ I'LL BE YOUR SIDEKICK WHENEVER YOU WANT 8D
A sailor went to sea sea sea to see what he could see see see but all that he could see see see was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea.
@fatimatoes I wish. Pfffft. It was on facebook.
I have long blackbrown hair and I wish to cut it~
My phone is so delayed that I can't stand to be on twitter. #iHateThis.
Hug me.
@_Dawnlol I'm watching a really scary movie.
@_Kabuto_Yakushi <3
Watching Splice. I get scared for everything~
@_Dawnlol Thanks Dawny. *huddles with you under the blanket*
I'm squeezing a pillow so hard. This movie is not cool. #DIEDIEDIE!
Hi Itachi. Hi Bijuu. Bye Tayuya.
HOW ARE YOU? C: Oh, and everyone else~
I'm fine. THANK YOU ITACHS. :D I think I'm a bit hyper today...
I just did my... hair. :| I don't know how I got hyper over that. DON'T JUDGE THIS CRAZINESS. And you?!
@_Dawnlol It's over now. I thought it never end. *HUGGLESNUGGLE* THANKS DAWN-CHAN~
YAY. I don't feel like a crazy person anymore. Well..only a little~
TITANIC
Or that..

Tweets copied by twittinesis.com

2011-02-20T14:58:00.002+02:00

"At the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that."

From Twitter 02-19-2011

2011-02-20T03:05:00.001+02:00

KISAME C:~ How was class?
What is all about this 3am story? :/
Oh my gosh. I just heard a car crash! O-O
#ZzZzZzZzZzZ
Hello~
"Let's have a girls night!" 'I'd rather not, let's have a boys night.' "You're not a boy." 'And your point is..?'
I hate it when the house is all quiet and stuff.
I just noticed I got tanned on my feet O.O
Smiling is like sit-ups for your cheeks~ 8D
Hello there Kis~
KISSY KISS~
I've got an awkward bunch of friends.
I hide in the dark corners of twitter and just watch.
Cinnamon plum tea —something that was more elusive than guys who could both hold decent conversations and hold the door open.
Drunk Naruto~
I'LL MAKE SUM T FOR EVERYONE~
@SasukexUchiha I think I know the difference between Sasuke and (kind of drunk) Naruto :D
#DRUNKNARUTO~ DANCE PARTY 8D
I should stop being this crazy.
#DRUNKNARUTO USING @SasukexUchiha account~ there will be blood.
I'll just sit back and watch. I do not encourage violence. Only if its people who thinks violence is fun~
8'D
Too much love going around.
RT"@SasukexUchiha: Oi tmeme, got ansy Rmane in here? I still havde the taste of emeo in my mohth!" OH @NarukoXUzumaki THAT WAS SO BAD 8D
I should stop talking to you two (@NarukoXUzumaki & @SasukexUchiha). You're making my quiet (quite boring) TL crazy. Its rubbing off on me~
C:
RT @SasukexUchiha: Yiour jusdft gointg to punch me wihtt your lips again!s
*watches #likeAboss.*
@KisameSharkman Ah! *becomes a worried Hinata* I heard you hurt yourself. :c How are you feeling?
Ohh.. You were talking about that Pain.. Yes. I am embarrassed.
This is still happening? :| @SasukexUchiha will kill you Naruto. I do feel bad.
"It's Gakuman and Minafish!" (Translation: its Fugaku and Minato.)
@SasukexUchiha You shouldn't be apologizing! Its Naruto who's supposed to apologize if he wants to live :D
Lolololol
RT @fatimatoes: "Don't look this bitch in the eye" I didn't know they had bitches in Greek mythology.
ROCK - PAPER - SCISSORS. - “I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors,... http://tumblr.com/xro1jw1jm0
Photo: snugglekitty: http://tumblr.com/xro1jw4bb3
No stopping. - I’m the beginning of the end, with my deathly fires that burns light into space, and chains... http://tumblr.com/xro1jw544m
My definition. - Butterflies full of tinker dust passes our heads when the world sinks to the bottom with a... http://tumblr.com/xro1jw5nz8
Photo: INSTEAD OF DOING WORK IN CLASS. I DRAW FUNKY PEOPLE~ 8D http://tumblr.com/xro1jw5ubv
Audio: fuckyeahdae-sung: http://tumblr.com/xro1jw6wv7
I know you're the person I can return to because when Im thinking of you, you're thinking of me too.
Throw a peace sign and say Hey pimp daddy!
My forehead will kill all my future boyfriends.
Dx
Great minds talk about ideas. Small minds talk about people.
The sun after the storm shines.
Watching Greys Anatomy. #IfeelLikeAsurgeon.
RT @failwhalequotes: Dear Pringles, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness.
We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.
Sorry Hun, but, unlike you, Im not the doorknob, where everyone gets a turn. Im more of a casino, where only the lucky ones, hit the Jackpot
One day.. facebook, youtube, myspace and friendster will come together as one. it will be called, fookyoumyfriend.
Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945.The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945.Coincidence? I think not.
Morning you two~
I have an embarrassing secret. :3
RT @fatimatoes: Hester Prynne, stop with the old school english and make me WANT to read your story. #TheScarletLetter
RT @FierceScarlet: @P_sychoC_at it seems the 2 friends/rivals/weirdos love to kiss each others when they're drunk çoç [sasuke did it bef ...
I don't know about this icon.. Hmm. :/
@Pink_x_Thing C: Thanks Pink ^^
@fatimatoes Fotoflexer
@fatimatoes I think so, but maybe there's an app for BB.
Photo: HINATA IS SO CUTE AND I LOVE HER THA MOST!!!! C: http://tumblr.com/xro1jy6lmn
@KisameSharkman OH NO~ That must be painful! I hope you feel a little better today, Kisame.
Extreme measures. Where science ends and art begins.
@KisameSharkman Just to make you feel better. I'll m-make TEA! Because everyone loves tea & it makes you feel warm and fuzzy :3. Doesn't it?
@KisameSharkman I'll be able to make some tea /if/ you let go..*Giggles softly and rubs your back*
TWITTER JUST FROZE~ THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END... #Jokes
@KisameSharkman *shakes her head with a smile as she saunters to the kitchen*
*brings back a full pot of tea*..*AND pancakes* (how cool am I?)
8D
@_Kabuto_Yakushi That's sucks Kabs :( Psh. They wish they were as cool as you.
@_Kabuto_Yakushi C: You're too nice Kabs ^^
@KisameSharkman *comes back with a pot of tea AND pancakes, glancing at you as she passes*
@KisameSharkman Here.. taste and tell me if its good..*holds up fork with a piece of pancake* Because my pancakes are happiness :3
*Nodnod* That's right Tayuya. I hope you agree~
@KisameSharkman *stares at you with slightly widen eyes before nibbling on her own*...I told you so~ But I wasn't expecting that reaction C:
Oh no~ Argument. Dx
@KisameSharkman No need to thank me. I hope it made you feel a little better..*taps your injured knee lightly with a soft smile*
HE'S SO FLUFFY - I'M GONNA DIE! 8D
Photo: FLIFFY!FLUFFFFFY!PHUFFY!!!!! I LOVE YOU ♥♥♥ http://tumblr.com/xro1k05ats
I can't handle loud people.
I go back to school wednesday 8D
#HARASSTAYUYASPHONE!! 8'D
8D
I'm in love with you twitterers. Feel lucky~ #Psh.
What is this face? (*^,) #Ihavenoidea
Sometimes I blush till I can't think of anything when Itachi and Kabuto is on~ #ImSuchAPrude.

Tweets copied by twittinesis.com

2011-02-18T14:17:00.000+02:00

It's never too late to be what you have been before.

2011-02-18T14:07:00.002+02:00

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

2011-02-18T14:05:00.000+02:00

All I can be is me, whoever that is.

2011-02-10T22:28:00.002+02:00

"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."

Once upon a time, when rhyming began.

2011-02-08T21:09:00.000+02:00

Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!

What was your favourite nursery rhyme?

Text Message.

2011-02-08T18:17:00.002+02:00

"OHMAIGOD! Reject him! Block him! 

Send him hateful messages! Don't let him 

hurt you. Be a rebel! Stop letting him 

make you feel sad and insecure because 

he's gay and a douche and he just 

doesn't have the effin guts to act 

like a man towards you!"

*takes a long breath in*

I say this because I love you.

2011-02-01T22:12:00.001+02:00

"I could follow you to the beginning and just relive the start. And maybe then we'll remember to slow down, to all of our favorite parts."

My two minute stranger.

2011-01-27T21:15:00.005+02:00

Some time ago, a long time-in-playgrounds-and-pigtails ago, Mom told me to never hide behind feelings, to never give anybody the upper hand of my heart, the heart on my sleeve.

She told me with her (old wrinkly) voice that I shouldn't hide the truth from anyone - because when you meet your best friend, your first friendship, you'll be the one afraid yet brave despite the current emotions making your knees weak. And you'll want them to see you as a person. Not a shadow.

Her mother told her to be straight forward. And that's what she did. She told her first (will you be my friend?) best friend and she told her first (will you be mine?) boyfriend.

They might've rejected her, forgot about her, threw her to the pavement with mean smirks, or opened their arms to a life time of happiness. She didn't dare look back after that. Fight now, cry later.

But then she met someone like her. Someone who understood her positive forwardness. Someone who liked that she was brave and small and boiled with anger everyday when the sun is at its highest.

I'm so afraid to show I care. Will he think I'm weak, if I tremble when I speak?

Someone who took her hand instead of vice versa and someone who said (I'm me, and I want to know you) Hello. She said (I've been looking for you everywhere) Hi. He smiled his bright smile and couldn't help sending him one of her own.

Throwing away everything she learnt, she pulled him into her arms and said with an inner emotion that could not explain in words, I'm afraid. But I love you. Can I take you home with me even though I'm a stranger? I won't forget you if you walk away. Yet I won't be mad because people are sane and I'm unrealistic.

Can you live with an unrealistic person with their heart in your hand?

She remembered before her head started spinning from the sound of his touch and the feel of his whispered thoughts.

I wouldn't like it any other way. Because you're my unrealistic two minute stranger.

2011-01-22T20:38:00.001+02:00

"There's a time when you can share and you hold hands and be on the same path. But there's always a fork in the road... at some point. And sometimes you have to go on one part of the fork and they gotta go on the other part of the fork. Or just down the back part of the fork while you go forward. And they're like *sigh* Or they got a salad fork and you have one of the big dinner forks and you have longer to go but they're like done because that's it, they're stuck on a piece of food, that they *sigh*. A desert fork or like one of those, you know small little shrimp forks or crab forks and you're trying to get out a crab. They're like that and you're over here jumping to the huge serving fork or something like that, or a ladle, you know."